Perhaps man invented fire, but woman invented how to play with fire.
not your juliet Ika Marissa Waty; turning eighteen and happier. A very jaunty human who always look on the brighter side of life. However, I have my own set of flaws. In fact, everyone has. All in all, I don't want to be a competitive person cause when I do, I'll stop being happy. I'll be and live as who I am. the crowd Adeline Aini Amalina Aminah Amirah Fadzli Faradea Hamid Hanes Indra Jasma Jenny Jordon Jun Jie Liana Mizah Nad Sabrina Sherry Shiing Sophia Suhaila Syafiqah Sylvia Thomas Tobi spit it out ShoutMix chat widget never look back and regret March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Saturday, April 26, 2008 time is ticking. i'll be heading to esplanade later to do some hard mugging with some classmates. chem paper is on monday and i need to clear all the doubts. and im sure that i'll buy a starbucks drink; caramel frappe to release all the tension. im only bringing my chem TYS and file. i swearrrrrrrrrr i cant live without my TYS during test/exams. they're my lifesaver. no sweat. okay so now i dont know what to wear. im intending to wear a dress with my adidas kicks, but i have thoughts of just wearing a tank top and bermudas. sometimes, i hate being a girl. we just dont know what to wear. we cant make up our mind. boys are esay when it comes to dresing up. all they wear is just a top and jeans or bermudas and shoes. its up to them to wear accessories like caps etc and done. thats all and they already look good. my clothings are not up to my satisfaction. i bet that esplanade will be pack with teenagers as usual. okay i gotta rummage through my wardrobe now (: Thursday, April 24, 2008 like, finally. currently listening to: We Belong Together by Mariah Carey. today's paper sucks whole lot. especially english. the formal letter was fine, but the compo was baaaaaaad. i wrote it like 3 times. well, i wasnt satisfied and all the topics were hard. wtfffffffffck. social studies was alright. i felt that my hardwork was paid off. lets see if i really did when the results is out. and ohgoddddd i got 25 out 40 for my el oral?!?! not what i expected ): and yet i screwed up for my paper 1. nevermind, paper 2 is my last chance. gotta make it! dang, i miss dancing. i miss being in dance class, esp Mr Hamzah's. i miss him. so so much. i remembered when we first met him. we thought that he's fierce and all, but he turned out to be nice. very nice. his words motivates us alot. and i'll always remember this phrase said by him; "we live for the moments". there's more useful phrases but this was the one and only phrase that got inside my head once he said it. its true, we do live for its moments. for example, we worked hard for a dance choreo and put it up as a performance or competition. we sweat and ached all over. in the end, we did this all just for a few minutes of performing. but then, it was worth working hard and putting up a good show if the crowd loves it. if they dont, we should never give up but work harder. persevere and discipline is needed to achieve someone's goal or aim. he's the greatest choreographer ive ever met. and i loveeeeeeee being diva with him. i kept hearing his voice when i miss him, especially the way he called me "hello ika-s!" now i realise how a person can miss someone when they're stress or feeling down. actually. there's alot of people i miss. includint my favourite cliques. i miss my HavoCrew, ex-schoolmates and my cousins. i miss being ard them. however, almost all of them are taking the natinal exams. *sigh* im craving for ice-cream (: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 a bundle of nerves a day left to my first mye paper. social studies and el paper 1. soooooooooo nervous. im having my last revision at McDonald's with Sherry, Nizam and another Nizam. haha. need to get those facts in my head and interpret whatever i can. im most worried anout reliability. i still cant get the format right. and i dont know how to do it unless i refer to the notes. oh danggggggg. second day of perioddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ): way worse. ps: im prepared to take you with me (: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 currently listening to: Senorita by Justin.T im tired. im depressed. im sad. im angry. im frustrated. but im not happy. mye is in 2 days, and i really gotta buck up. i stayed back in school today to do my own self study. i revised on my chem but daaaaaaaaaaaamn i can get anything in my head. all those formuales and whatever shit just makes me woozy. some people have been noticing me and asked "why so sad?" or "are you okay?" whatever they ask, i'll just answer yes, but actually, im NOT okay. and i have not completed my art okay. thats worse. i have to get my batik done even before i cld submit my prep works. ohgoddddddddd pls give me strength to overcome all this. i cant bear to see myself in this state. i know for all the blogs that i post, its all about me needing to be strong and stuffs like that, but i cant help it. this is how i feel right now. errr, everyday. i gotta work this out. but im glad that i have my peers to support me. i remember having a chat with my mum in the bus. i told her how i was coping right now. i told her everything abt me cant make up my mind whether to continue sec 5 or not etc. i even told her that i was stress with whatever i am coping right now. i almost cried okay ): well, she told me to take it easy cause if i were to continue sec 5, it will be far worse than now. i agreed. she was considering of hiring a tuition teacher for me but i declined because i dont wish to waste their money. they've never spent money on my brothers when they were taking their national exams. and they still succeed. i dont want to be a burden to my parents. however, i realise that i shld make them proud (: ika, work hard. Sunday, April 20, 2008 IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ): Saturday, April 19, 2008 pretenders. currently listening to: That's What You Get by Paramore hardcore mugging has been a suffocating thing. thinking has been the painful and memorising hurts alot. im afraid of competing, as i hate to lose. i got alot of things to complete within a short period of time. i have to complete my art prep work, which is my 5 boards, by the end of this month. and while doing so, i have to study for the upcoming mye. thurs will be my first paper; el paper 1 and social studies. ive wasted 2 days on nothing. i did my art abit last night, cause i went to the movies with a friend, which i shouldnt, but i need to de-stress abit. and even though i didnt went out today, i watched tv and sleep the whole day and went to dinner with ira, sherry and her mom. her treat. how surprising. i didnt went out on a saturday (: but still, i should have done smth good right? but i didnt. ika, you're a disappointment. well, im not going for dance tmr as i need to buck up on my revision and stufffffffffs. i need to work this out. i need to do this, and i know i can do it. i was sick the last two days, and its probably becasue i was too stress and worried. which is true. now, im feeling much better. some people just follow how the trend goes. some people just wanna fit in the trend. and that person wants to be the "oh yeah, i know him, i know her......." so what if you know everybody? i feel that we're drifting aprt. you're always busy with what you're doing now, singing. im not jealous. but concern. you're taking the national exams this year. can you at least wait until the exams are over? why cant you just be patient? oh wait, you're never patient. you even threaten your own mother to buy for you what you want. worse than a spoilt brat. why cant you just be yourself? Wednesday, April 16, 2008 ive been busy studying these few days, as mye is next week. im really fcking worried. worried that im not able to cope. some people have notice me being stress. and they de-stressed me in some ways. thanks guys (: my enviness is growing stronger each day, but somehow or rather, its reducing too at the same time. im just annoyed with her thats all. and of course, i dont want her to be the reason why i cant do it. she's not my obstacle okay! no matter who she is, i will not let her bring me down. im studying later on, maybe on my sci (?) oh welllllll, i got no mood now. i got my second maths class test tomorrow. hope that i'll be able to do it, no matter how much i could understand the topic. heh. she's on my nerves, she's beyond the limit. there's no way i could defeat her. ): Monday, April 14, 2008 im getting more and more worried as days pass by.im not only worried about the upcoming mye which is in less than 2 wks, but also myslef. i dont know how to cope with my studies. ive been hearing lately of how my classmates wna go straight to higer nitec instead of coming back for sec 5, even if their results are good. it influences me alot cause firstly, i wont suffer anymore if i were to head down to higher nitec and secondly, i wont be stress like how i am now. but the disadvantage is that i wont have an o level cert. of course if i were to continue sec 5, firstly, i'll lead a more stressful year than now, and secondly, i'll waste a year if my results were bad. bad enough that i'll go straight to nites=c. not even thinking of going to higer nitec. darrrrrrrrrrrrn im so confused and stress and tired and whatsoever. ): i had my english oral in the afternoon, and i didnt do well for my weakest link, the picture discussion. the marker commented that my reading was very good but the picture discussion will bring down my marks. and also for the conversation, i should talk more. heh. okay whatever it is, ill take this as a mistake and learn from my mistakes. *sigh* Sunday, April 13, 2008 SATURDAY: sherry and i went to esplanade library to do some revision for the upcoming mye. we were so stress up and worried as there was alot of topics that we need to do alot of catching up. daaaaaang im sosososo worried. after doing some revisions for 2 solid hours, we went to marina sq to release stress and stuffs. so, we went by the Fox shop and we are craving for this tank tops worth 23 bucks. okay im gna save up some money and buy that, defnitely. then we bought our own frappes at starbucks and headed down to esplanade. as usual, mcm2 orang ade. we sat at the rooftop and we chatted till nightime. shahfiq came and i talked alot with him as its been long since ive met or seen him. soon, its time to head home. FRIDAY: here's the photo taken on speech day above (: Friday, April 11, 2008 i performed for the school's annual speech day today. i received an award for cca outstanding contrubutaion award, plus a trophy. woohoo! its been long since ive hold a trophy in my hand. we put up the danceworks item, and the crowd loves it! some of then even wants an encore. HAHA ingat funfair ke pe?! but then at least i know that we've done a good job. but of course, theres negative compliments. our former principle, Mrs Lim Ai Poo, came for the evnt and said that our dance was "prerogative". bullshit so what? well, i can only say one thin: they just discrimate to those who have passions. whatever lah suck balls lah bodoh. i hate my school whenever it concerns about dance. they always make us suffer. our costume is too revealing, our dance is too obscene. go to hell! they dont support us, they only support the niche of our school, the robotics enterprise. cb laaaaah. buat robot je kerje dorg. and did i tell you i had an admirer? im not happy about it. cause he's the worse admirer that ive evr gotten so far. he's a psycho for god's sake! he secretly took my photo and set it as his wallpaper on his handphone?! eh siak, die tu da ade awek tak sedar diri ke per?! i dont like him, okay. serious. and i swearrrrrrrrrrr i wont go out on a dte with him. yesterday, me and sherry went to mac to study, and she tagged along ahmad and friends. i know that he is coming and i dont mind because i know that he cld help out with our revisio. but its gotten wayyyyyyyy out of hand. he gets near me whenever he talked to me. and sometimes he even purposely put his arms around my chair. tu da melampau laaaaaaaaaah! okay i dont wanna talk about it anymore. goodnight! someones calling meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (: Wednesday, April 9, 2008 infatuation. currently listening to: All I Have by J.Lo i dont know whether i should tell everything to the close ones. sometimes i feel that we're falling apart because of certain things, and we've gossip about each other too much. i've never regard then as my bestfs no matter how long we were together through thick and thin. ive always regard then as my closed ones, my girls. bestfs and closed ones are two different things. a bestf is someone you can always go up to and will always support you in whatever decision you make. a closed one is someone who is always there for you and concern about your doings. even though it sounds the same, it isnt to me. frankly, i dont trust my girls as much as how i usually trust them. i know whats going between us. we gossip about each other? whats this?! if you dont like one of their doings, why dont just tell em? they keep bragging and continued gossiping. and i know there are secrets that i dont intend to tell but somehow or rather, they got to find it out. and they'll be cold towards me, saying that friends shld trust each toher and stuffs. but how am i suppose to trust them if this goes on?!?! i had enough tolerating their behaviour and nonsense. this is childish! this is the reason why i dont have a bestf. i just wish i had one, or maybe a boyf at least. but God made me take this test. however, this friendship will get sour soon. of course, i dont want that to happen. it'll be worse, and they're a bunch of girls which is not easy to handle. urgh i hate the situation now. i want this to be over, NOW! Labels: i got a crush on someone (: Tuesday, April 8, 2008 I'm your Bonnie, you're my Clyde. im considering whether to be involved in the school's public concert, Sonore, or participate in a dance comp held on May. i know i shouldnt do neither of it because i should be concentrating on my n level but, i just need to move. i cant live without dancing, and i cant breathe without music. im a kinestatic person ykno as i cant sit still. im a visual person at the same time when it comes to studying and learning, and audio when instructions are being made. aaaaaaaaargh im confused yet frustrated. and i have to make up my mind by tonight whether to re-take my chem test. i did badly for my class test on the topic balancing and calculating masses. i got a "just pass" and thats not good. at all. tsk. okay, maybe i should re-take, since i've learned from my mistake, and i know that i can do better, right? dangg, i've been living in a world of depending other people, maybe its time i shld stand up and be independent. no more being in a corner and let everything pass by. i've let too much things happened which wasnt suppose to happen. grr. math test is in 2 days, and im not confident of passing it. i suck in math hell lot. rehearsal is tmr and i wish that im just like those "brave" students who wld just skipped class and stufffffffs. i hate waiting, but im patient okay! i hope that i'll not be lazy enough to complete my colour visual. at least complete the one that im currently doing. okay chow people. Monday, April 7, 2008 you got me trippin'. currently listening to: Last Time by Trey Songz I HATE TODAY VERY MUCH! and i dont wanna talk abt it. just know that some people just cant get easy things in their head, and it will affect everybody. pfffffffffffft. omgomgomg. some of my friends are alr starting poly life today. they have full freedom, while im still stuck here, suffering with this pathetic school. i hate the situation now. it really affects me. its okaaaaaaaaaaa ika, be patient. get through n levels. then take break. start being hardworking again, and complete o levels. thats it. all you have to worry abt is the results. err, no. its not that easy. aaaaaaaaaaargh im frustrated and cranky and whatever words to describe in terms of "not happy" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Labels: zxzxzxzxzxz Sunday, April 6, 2008 head underwater and you told me to breathe easy for awhile. i didnt revise on anything during the weekends. my hmwks are piling up, yet im not doing anything abt it. i know its a critical year for me but its just not easy. i got a lot of things to do, going on and stuffssssss. i swearrrr i didnt do really good on my dance evaluation this afternoon. i have to freestyle as i forgot my steps. shitsxsxs :/ but i got good comments from my pat that he loves my groove (: okay, thats good news but i know i can improve more. i wish i have the money to take reggae classes at o'school. yeah sure, soon, after my n levels ): as i did reggae hip hop for my eveluation, he gave me advises like bending more to show more sex appeal and more earthy as that is how reggae is. seriously, i love reggae dance, cause i loveeeee being sexy and it really shows someone's grooviness. and that is the main purpose why i wanna take reggae classes! tmr is gonna be a long day. i got rehersal, dumbfck. and it'll end at 7pm. fckfckfckfckfckfck. and i have to complete my hmwks and stuffffffs. dont they have a heart?! aye, chalobeteh (: Saturday, April 5, 2008 fairytales. hang out with the girls on a saturday. well, we went to a couple of places. first, we heade down to vivo, and we regret that we didnt go to sentosa instead cause we're worried that it might rain. ): its okay, maybe next time. then there's this two guys kept following us, and we can predict what they want. phm2 je lah eh.then, we headed down to city hall. we walked around esplanade and we bumped into suffaad and friends. and damn, i loveeeeeeeeee his hoodies. and ohyeah, im in love with this adidas respect me edition jacket. aaaaaaaaaah, and it will cost a bomb if i were to get it. its worth 132 bucksxsxsxs! *SOBSOB* so basically, there were alot of teenagers at city hall. and people with different.... difference. from matreps to punkrawkers. matreps doing the stupid shuffle dance. i hate it siaaaaa. after staying there till 8pm, we walked all the way to the spore river. we sat and chatted about boys and whatsoever. and it times to head home. daaaaaaaaaaaamn, i have not even done a single hmwk, and my dance evaluation is tmr! Friday, April 4, 2008 hello cinderella. currently listening to: Fairytales by Sara Barreilles. in a few hours time, i'll be going to nad's crib. just chilling there. i had 2 class test today. malay and geog. well, its quite okay and i hope that my result will turn out okay too. ohyarh, i got my oral marks which i screwed up. i got 34 out of 50! pfffffffft. well, those under cikgu amizah wont get above 40. sherry got 40 siaaaaaaaaaaa. and thats because she was under cikgu lisda. and that particular teacher is her neighbour! HAHAHAH. nvm, at least i was tested under a strict teacher. who knows during n level would be a stricter marker than her. i'll know what to improve on. and i've learned my lesson. next monday i will be having speech day rehearsal. damn, i hate rehearsals. waiting makes me sick. and if the rehearsal is not to satisfaction, we'll probably have another rehearsal on wednesday as the real speech day is on friday. sheesh. aye, i wna bath now! (: Thursday, April 3, 2008 sherry, can i have a crunchie????? LOL. tomorrow will be last class test of the week; geog. then i'll have math test next week. shitzxzxzxzxzx. im weak in this subj, even though i scored quite well for common test for the first time. goddddddd, im lacking of confidence man. well, the girls want to go out on saturday. we cant go to the danceworks as there is a need to have a tix in order to watch it. but too bad, we didnt have any, even though we were participants for that particular competition. and omggggggggg, my dance evaluation is on this sunday and i havent even do one single step! aaaaaaargh. i cant even make up my mind on what song to use. maybe church orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, roll? dang, this is so hard. and you se, my weekends are burned just like that. how cool is that? maybe i have to start concentrating on my studies more as im taking the national exam this year. cant believe it. ive grown so fast.. (!!!!!!) im such a busy person that i dont even have time for myself. i didnt even went to the fotball match just bcse i need to study. i feel so bad cause lilbro kept asking me to watch him play, but i didnt fulfil his wish. i rarely watched him play. poor lilbro. im sososososo sorry! i'll make it up to you one day! :D where were you when i said i love you? where were you when i cried at night? waiting up, couldn't sleep without you. thinking of all the times we shared. i remember when my heart broked. i remember when i gave up loving you. my heart couldn't take no more of you. i was sad and lonely. i wish a perfect someone will come in my life and be by my side, forever. Wednesday, April 2, 2008 let's kick it old school. i had the mye mother tongue oral just now, and it suckssssssssssssss. a whole lot. i screwed up when reading the passage, and i was speechless during the conversation. oh goddddd, ika! why cant you do such a simple thing!? damn, i think im already expecting what grades i will get, and its definitely not good. okay forget about this. i got phy test tmr, and i hate the topic very much. but no matter how much i hate that topic, i still have to study for it ): also, theres a match between cage beck and sporting vintage. i wanted to go but i think most prbably i wont make it cause i got geog test on fri. see what did i tell ya? i got test everyday. today was social studies test, and i was rushing for time maaaaaaann. we're doing on an essay yet we're only given 25 minutes. i did alot of effort for this test alright? and i hope the scores that i get is equivalent to the effort i put in. this saturday is the danceworks final, and idk if im going. i feel like going, but at the same time, i'd rather go somewhere else than going to see the juying dancers dance right? its always them, and im sick of it! and also, we've lost. we didnt even get a chance to be in the finals. dumbfck. whatever it is, i wanna bring those nutz down one day! urgh, enough of them. ohyarh, maybe im having a study date with my darlg bfg, next saturday! i mean, sidiq. haha. he's gonna tutor me like hell ay. and i hope that he wont pinch my precious cheeks. damn, i miss him, the last time i saw him was during danceworks, but its not enough! haha. okay gotta study now. tats (: